Some tailgating tips

[bhs7695 185]

http://www.maxim.com/amg/STUFF/Articles/13+Tailgating+Dos+and+Donts?utm_source=foxnews&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=syndication

 

13 Tailgating Dos and Donts

 

Posted Tuesday 09/20/2011 by Joshua M. Bernstein

 

From beers to dips to not setting the stadium on fire, here’s how to rule the parking lot this season.

 

1. Make a supplies checklist.

Getting organized may seem slightly less thrilling than a C-SPAN marathon, but it’s a buzz kill to get stuck with a glowing grill, a stack of frankfurters and no tongs. You don’t want to be stuck fingering hot, plump wieners, right?

 

2. Paint body after eating.

Hey, Picasso: If you’re going to paint your team colors on your body, do it after you’ve eaten. Nothing says team spirit like mustard and BBQ sauce on your nipples.

 

3. You get one parking spot, buddy.

Though your car may be the approximate size of Albert Haynesworth after an eve at the Old Country Buffet, resist the urge to swallow more than one parking space. It’s against most stadium regulations. In fact, check your team’s website for rules before setting up camp: You don’t want to be booted before the game. Save that for the fourth quarter when your team is losing by three touchdowns and you want to sucker punch that loudmouth rival in row 21.

 

4. Stay within your boundaries as a cook.

Mario and Emeril make whipping up four-star meals seem as easy as getting laid on prom night, but game day is not the time to try to stuff a turducken. Besides, everyone’s plastered: They’ll be happy to pack their pie holes with brats, burgers and hot dogs.

 

5. Designate one man as lord of the flames.

It’s tough to run a tailgate party and tend to the Weber too, so ask one trusted grill master to oversee the sizzling flesh. It’s no burden; it’s an early Christmas present.

 

6. Choose your dips wisely.

Five-star choices include onion dip paired with thick-cut, kettle-fried taters such as Zapp’s, Fritos dunked into gooey queso or tortilla chips with fiery salsa. However, serving hummus and carrots to your friends grants them every right to duct tape your mouth, bind your arms and legs with luggage straps and use you as a tackling dummy.

 

7. Bring ice ice, baby!

So much ice! Enough ice to re-create The Day After Tomorrow! You do not want your beers, cheese or, more importantly, mayonnaise to get warm. Salmonella is not a secret ingredient.

 

8. Reduce bathroom trips.

It’s great to pound can after can of light, watery brews, but you don’t want to spend half the game rooting against No. 1. Look to more potent canned beers such as 21st Amendment’s nicely bittered Brew Free or Die! IPA or Oskar Blues’ potent, oil-thick Ten Fidy imperial stout. You can still crush them on your forehead.

 

9. Leave the liquor at home.

No one appreciates an angry whiskey drunk, and tequila will only make you weepy. Remember: There’s no crying in football.

 

10. Keep a close eye on the clock.

You’re here to pre-game, not miss the game. Kickoff waits for no man, especially one sucking down a last-minute beer bong.

 

11. Bring tickets. Duh.

Assign one trustworthy guy to keep the tickets safe. Or the glove compartment: The glove compartment will never pass out and let you down.

 

12. Don’t be a litterbug.

Bring garbage bags. Gather your paper plates, silverware and cups, then wipe up the mess with paper towels. Extinguish coals and flames. No, leaving garbage behind does not create jobs.

 

13. Recycle empty beer cans to gain favor with the Almighty.

Lord knows your team could use every last bit of luck, and sorting cans is certainly easier than the good-juju alternative: animal sacrifice.

[Deleted Account 5,203]

This is an all-star list. I posted about 2 weeks ago how so many UVA fans violate rule #10, and I proceeded to get torn to shreds when I called them "pansies" for not having their rear ends in the seats at kickoff.

[vthokies4life 10]

Rule 1, 5, and 7 are the most important in my experiences tailgating.

[GMan 3,569]

As long as I have beer, and maybe a fried chicken, I'm good...

[Hacker 82]

Three is the most violated rule. My lot is horrible for this, some folks taking 3 or 4 spaces. Lot 1 Hokies solution is to put their tents in the middle of the driving lanes so the late arrivals can play dodge'em.

[deuceswild 15]

#9?? Wtf.

[Guest StoneyCalhoun]

#9?? Wtf.

 

+1.

 

Awesome list though.

[Hacker 82]

#9?? Wtf.

 

I agree, if for no other reason than the portability factor.

[bluefieldRocks 14]

#9?? Wtf.

 

Agreed.

 

Sneaking a flask of beer into the game just isin't as fun

 

Liquor is a must.

[bhs7695 185]

As long as I have beer, and maybe a fried chicken, I'm good...

 

Agreed.

 

GMan 3 - Chicken 0

[deuceswild 15]

I agree, if for no other reason than the portability factor.

 

Portability, yes, and it keeps you warm on a cold, winter's day when we have to watch the Commonwealth Bore Cup.

 

...cue UVAO..

[Deleted Account 5,203]

Portability, yes, and it keeps you warm on a cold, winter's day when we have to watch the Commonwealth Bore Cup.

 

...cue UVAO..

 

We'll find some interesting way to lose it, don't worry.

[deuceswild 15]

We'll find some interesting way to lose it, don't worry.

 

Like not scoring enough points?

[Deleted Account 5,203]

Like not scoring enough points?

 

We'll do it interestingly.

[vthokies4life 10]

#9?? Wtf.

Haha, I think this is the "better safe than sorry" rule. I'm stating the obvious here, but it's much more likely for the tailgate to spiral out of control with liquor than it is beer. And really, you want three things to happen. You want to 1.) get into the stadium under your own power, 2.) remember at least bits and pieces of the game, and 3.) not get arrested.

[deuceswild 15]

Haha, I think this is the "better safe than sorry" rule. I'm stating the obvious here, but it's much more likely for the tailgate to spiral out of control with liquor than it is beer. And really, you want three things to happen. You want to 1.) get into the stadium under your own power, 2.) remember at least bits and pieces of the game, and 3.) not get arrested.

 

Bullocks.

 

Both times I was arrested we were playing crappy teams that we beat anyway or so I heard.

 

And where we sit, the staff guy faces us and we nod when we want him to turn around for us to hit the bottle. His name is Maynard. And he is awesome.

 

That being said, I can handle myself pretty well. I know my limits. I have seen people who just get wiped out and that's no way to spend your Saturday. Let them compete on the field, you don't need to be a hero. Have a little fun but there's no reward for being a slob.