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Hell, I could tell them for $100,000...


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I currently work in a neurology lab that is trying to determine predictors of Parkinson's disease, as well as treatments to stop or reverse the effects of the disease... and yet we're woefully underfunded. I know there are more complexities involved, but man, how do some studies get funded?

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Dear President Obama:

 

I am seeking to objectively prove that more attractive girls are better in the bedroom than less attractive girls.

 

To do this, I need a grant in the amount of $282,270. I need it in the following amounts:

 

(1) 2015 Cadillac Escalade, luxury: $76,970

(2) Liposuction: $42,800.

(3) Personal Trainer, one year: $40,000.

(4) VIP treatment at clubs: $30,000.

(5) Unlimited high-end booze for ladies: $27,500

(6) Drugs for ladies: $25,000

(7) Top-grade electronics: $20,000

(8) Miscellany: $20,000

 

I will also need the following:

 

(1) 200 of your A-grade Democratic ladies

(2) 200 of your B-grade Democratic ladies

(3) 200 of your C-grade Democratic ladies

(4) 200 of your D-grade Democratic ladies

(5) 200 of your F-grade Democratic ladies

(6) Nancy Pelosi

 

Oh, I almost forgot. Death to coal. Free phones for all. Forced non-insurance taxes for all. May Allah bless Planned Parenthood. More dead babies for stem cell research. And Eric Holder is a spotless lamb.

 

Respectfully,

UVAObserver

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